My cup? My portion in life, right now? My answer is the confines of military life. Granted, while military life affords lots of perks and benefits and adventures that many civilians will never experience, there is pain with this portion.
You don't really 'belong' anywhere. You find people and places of comfort for a season, but then, its time to relocate. And, this cycle happens over and over...and over. So, you really don't belong with the people and places you left, and you really don't belong to the people and places you are coming to. I am finding that this pain is heightened when you have children... because their people and places of comfort are taken, too, and its hard for them to understand, 'why?'...its hard for me to understand, 'why?'
Your purpose seems obscure. Because your people and places of comfort are always shifting, getting involved in meaningful purposes is challenging.
Your husband is far away. A military husband's schedule is daunting with long hours and time away from family. Even when he is in port, you don't see each other much.
This pain can make you wallow in 'fear and self-pity' OR it will drive you to God and His promises.
'We don't belong' becomes... "whether we live or die, we are the Lord's" (Rom. 14:8).
'My purpose seems obscure' becomes... "The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." (Psalm 138:8).
'My husband is far away' becomes..."For your husband is Your Maker whose name is the Lord of hosts" (Isaiah 54:5).
And, I remember His goodness. I was pregnant for the first time and due October 1. My husband was scheduled to leave for just two weeks right before my due date. We were hoping that he could be back in time for our first child's arrival. I dropped him off at his ship the evening he was to leave and drove home, fully pregnant and alone. And, that night, labor pains began. My husband was far. But, the Lord was near. And, He provided three gracious women (not even related to me) to be with me during labor and delivery. Because of His mercy, I watched as the three women marveled as I did not feel many of the hard labor pains in later labor. And, my mom was at my home when I arrived back and she was able to stay with me until my husband arrived home.
In my portion, I know pain, but more importantly, I know my God who is there. His promises are faithful every time.
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